Charito Preaches on "Suffering and Character Building"
Charito Arquilla's speech on
Suffering and Character Building
(her preaching at Agape Fellowship on February 5, 1999)
Suffering is such a dreaded word. It connotes pain and as human beings we don’t like pain in our lives, no matter how light or heavy it may be. It’s still pain nonetheless. But you see suffering everywhere. It may be caused by poverty, illness, loss of loved ones, suffering caused by other people, bankruptcy and other causes. Even the Bible is full of suffering people.
In Mark 5:21-34, a woman was bleeding for 12 years. Such condition would be difficult for any woman both now and then. Part of her life was left unaffected. She could not bear children. As a Jewish woman, it is a shame to bear no children. Physically, she felt weak and everything in her system felt the sickness too. Anything she touched was considered unclean. No washing of dishes, no mopping of floors, no cooking, how awful must her house looked. Financially, she had spent all she had on doctors. Spiritually, she was not allowed to enter the temple.
In Mark 5:1-20, a man was possessed by a legion of demons and was forced to live in burial caves. He is chained and man cannot subdue him. Day and night, he would cry out and cut himself with stones. He had to live away from his family, friends and society. He was an outcast.
In John 5:1-15, an invalid man at Bethseda cannot go into the pool to be healed for 38 years, because no one helped him whenever an angel came down and stirred the water.
In Mark 2:1-12, the paralyzed man had to be carried by four men and was lowered down from the rooftop while Jesus was preaching at Capernaum.
Peter was suffering from guilt because he denied Jesus, and he cannot do anything for Jesus. He was overpowered by fear. The Bible is full of stories of suffering people and we can go on and on about them. But the very person who knows all of these sufferings was Christ Himself. He once became a human being in order to feel the human pain and sufferings. He understands and can empathize with us, especially during the hardest and trying times of our lives. He knows how it feels to be insulted, laughed at, kicked out, flogged down and condemned by others. He suffered greatly under other people’s hands.
Nobody is really exempted from suffering. All of us have experienced suffering from time to time. Suffering is major factor in character building. Peter listed several characters we have to build. 2 Peter 1:5-8, “For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith, goodness; and to goodness knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.” For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
I, myself have undergone a lot of sufferings in my 28 years of living. But the hardest and most trying times was when I was diagnosed to have end-staged renal disease. It means that both of my kidneys have ceased to function and were badly damaged. I was also diagnosed by my first doctor that I have only 1-1/2 years more to live. It was the time that all my hopes and dreams have crashed down. After high school, I thought that my life will change and will turn for good, but here I am facing the greatest battle of my life. With the help of my mother’s cousin, I consulted another doctor (nephrologist) for a second opinion. The second doctor explained that I would only live for 1-1/2 years if I will not be treated. He further explained that I have two options to lengthen my life. One, is to have a kidney transplant, that I have a kidney donor that would match my blood type, tissues and it has to be 50% or more just like my own kidneys. After the operation, which would be very costly, I have to take immunosuppression drugs for the rest of my life. Another option is to undergo dialysis forever. This would entail two or three times per week washing or cleansing of my blood from toxic waste which becomes poison in the blood. But both options are very costly and it can be financially draining. It was during those times that I was still working as my uncle’s secretary, so he was the one who shouldered all of my medical expenses for the first two months of my sickness. It was also during those times that my so called friends are nowhere to be found. Not even one visited nor called me. Then my uncle can no longer shoulder my medical expenses, because he has four kids to support and his business was just starting, so he asked me to leave. I had to transfer to my grandmother’s house. Both, my grandma and my aunt shouldered my treatments for two months or so, but cannot go on anymore because of financial difficulty, so I was asked to leave. To make matters worse, the very person that I thought would stick with me through those times, my boyfriend, disappeared in my life too. I felt so alone and so afraid in my battle. I felt that the whole world was on my shoulders. I felt like I am drowning and that nobody cared to throw me a lifeline I can hold on to. I was so bitter on the whole world, on a lot of people and even God. I felt so used and abused. I became a Christian when I was first year high school, but I did not grow or should I say, I was a stagnant Christian all these years. That was the time in my life that I learned to kneel down before God again, even when I felt that His hands were heavy upon me. I poured out my questions, my anger on the situation that I am in and all the pain that I have to Him. I said, “God, I cannot bear all of this anymore." It was way too much for me to carry. Maybe before I prayed that prayer, God’s answers was on its way. God works in ways we cannot see, in mysterious ways we cannot think of. My sister started seeking the help of her classmates as well as the president of Joy Fellowship of St. Stephen’s Parish, since she was a member of the said fellowship. It was God who did the rest for me. The ‘story’ got around the whole church and God used a lot of people to finance my dialysis treatments for the next three years. My burden was lessened because brothers and sisters in Christ supported my medical expenses. I still have to endure a lot of physical pain and my health keeps on deteriorating. My prayers were answered on March 1994, as my sister willingly donated one of her kidneys to me. A fund drive was started for the upcoming operation. The cost of the operation was P200,000. Having met the needed amount, the operation took place in May, 1994. It was a success. My life was more or less normal again, though I have to undergo regular check-ups every month to check the function of the transplanted kidney. I was able to go back to school. I was able to do a lot and accomplished things. It’s like making up for the lost years. Three years was just like a breeze. I contracted tuberculosis while having my practicum. (Because I immunocompromised due to the anti-rejection drugs I am taking to prevent my body from rejecting dthe transplanted kidney. I can easily contact diseases especially those caused by viruses and bacteria.) This infection affected new kidney and caused my body to reject the transplanted organ in August, 1997. I again had to undergo dialysis last May, 1998 and still continue to do so. When my kidneys was showing stages of rejection, I kept on pleading, to God to at least lengthen its (kidney) life, because a transplantee like me, the transplanted organ means life and without it, I better off as dead. I dreaded dialysis so much. Just remembering the pain and suffering makes me cry. It was the time that I said to God "wasn’t 3-1/2 years enough for the kind of suffering? Kung ganito ang pagmamahal mo, masyado Mo naman ako mahal. Please allow other kind of suffering, just not this one again.” But God was silent. Then comes the bargaining. Okey Lord, I’ll go back to my ministry, I’ll read my Bible more. I will be more devoted and attentive to You. I’ll give up all these things that I’m prioritizing now and You my first and foremost priority again. Just please don’t, don’t take away new kidney. I can’t go through dialysis again. Just lengthen its life until I can find a suitable donor again. Then God answered me with His promises which were very comforting, so I thought that everything will be fine. But on May, 1998 (Just a day before my new kidney to four years old, I was even planning to celebrate its “birthday” ‘coz every year we do so), I was rushed to the hospital to undergo operation and have emergency dialysis. Now, comes the questioning and complaining. Now I’m asking questions again and showing my human frailty of not completely trusting God. But His earlier promises were the ones that pulled me through those painful and depressing times. When my questions were answered, I submitted. I said, “Lord, if this is Your will, though it’s painful and very heavy for me, I’ll submit. I know that You know what’s best for me and if this is in Your plan for my life that I have to go through this again so that You can fulfill Your purpose in me, Your will be done." It’s amazing that God has made my yoke easier and my burden a lot lighter this time around. A lot of Christian friends and people I even don’t know showed me their love and care. They supported me both in prayers and financially.
We have Him to thank, for not giving up as we go through the process of developing character. He is hammering, chiseling, filling and shaping us to be the children He wants us to be. We don’t suffer just for the sake of pain but for us to grow and mature and have the character of Christ. Storms may come into our lives but the good news is that they don’t stay forever. Suffering can be compared to the situation when you’re riding a train. When the train goes through a dark tunnel, what do you do? Do you jump off or you sit still and trust the train engineer to get you through? That’s what we should do, when suffering beats hard on us, we submit and trust God to lead us through. We should not worship Him on good times only but the more on hard times, we need to bow down, kneel, pray, pour out and talk to God, even when family and friends have given up on you. People are limited and there would always be a time they would let you down but never our Lord. God is our best friend who would stick with us through thick and thin. You can be assured that He will be with you every inch of the way. And together with Paul we can say that, “And we know that in all things, both good and bad, works for good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."
Posted December 1998